1
00:01:02,860 --> 00:01:05,980
across and says, I would if it wasn't
for the bloody Dura!

2
00:01:07,111 --> 00:01:14,259
Hang on, hang on, hang on. Hang on, I've
got one for you, I've got one for you.

3
00:01:14,260 --> 00:01:17,839
I've got one for you. It's a red Indian,
Steve. It's a red Indian. And his name

4
00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:19,000
is Chief Lazy Bird.

5
00:01:19,500 --> 00:01:22,270
And this Indian... My shout, and who
wants another drink?

6
00:01:22,681 --> 00:01:29,709
So, same again, is it, lads? So he goes
out of his teepee. Right, that's two

7
00:01:29,710 --> 00:01:32,730
points of lager, two bitter, and a bit
of shen.

8
00:01:32,731 --> 00:01:35,989
Now, just start with me, I've got the
mountains. I'll tell you what, make mine

9
00:01:35,990 --> 00:01:40,929
pilt. A pint and a half of lager, two
bitter, and a pilt. Anyway, he goes out

10
00:01:40,930 --> 00:01:42,430
his teepee and he sees this elk.

11
00:01:45,910 --> 00:01:50,850
So he sees this elk.

12
00:01:51,490 --> 00:01:54,030
Now, I've heard the joke.

13
00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:55,720
I told you it.

14
00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:03,290
Yeah.

15
00:02:04,820 --> 00:02:05,900
Murder, sir.

16
00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:09,759
Yeah, we'll be right there.

17
00:02:10,419 --> 00:02:13,789
While you're on, sir, have you heard the
one about the Red Indians?

18
00:02:15,580 --> 00:02:16,630
Yeah, right.

19
00:02:17,580 --> 00:02:19,840
Dave, he told it to me.

20
00:02:21,391 --> 00:02:23,479
What do you mean?

21
00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:25,680
Nobody likes you. Exactly what I say.

22
00:02:26,740 --> 00:02:28,460
You saw it back there in the pub.

23
00:02:29,500 --> 00:02:30,880
Nobody listened to me.

24
00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:33,160
Nobody likes me.

25
00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:36,760
Well, who doesn't like you? Nobody likes
me.

26
00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:42,260
You name one single person down the nick
who likes me.

27
00:02:42,700 --> 00:02:45,000
Who really, really likes me.

28
00:02:45,540 --> 00:02:46,820
Well, this is, um...

29
00:02:57,760 --> 00:02:59,930
No, give me a chance. There must be
somebody.

30
00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:05,150
See?

31
00:03:05,420 --> 00:03:07,700
But one person likes me.

32
00:03:07,920 --> 00:03:09,220
How about that Dorothy?

33
00:03:09,221 --> 00:03:12,639
You know, the traffic warden coming in
the campaign.

34
00:03:12,640 --> 00:03:13,690
What about Dorothy?

35
00:03:13,820 --> 00:03:15,800
Well, she's written to you, hasn't she?

36
00:03:16,300 --> 00:03:17,940
How did you find out about that?

37
00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:22,210
Have you been going through my private
correspondence?

38
00:03:22,320 --> 00:03:24,580
Well, it wasn't exactly private, was it?

39
00:03:24,970 --> 00:03:28,220
She left it in a little plastic bag
under your windscreen washer.

40
00:03:31,030 --> 00:03:33,680
There's nothing between me and Dorothy
now, anyway.

41
00:03:33,750 --> 00:03:34,930
She's married to a job.

42
00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:39,850
I can't even take her out of me car
since me tax disc ran out.

43
00:03:40,090 --> 00:03:41,140
Nice door, Dorothy.

44
00:03:42,110 --> 00:03:43,160
Nice legs.

45
00:03:43,770 --> 00:03:46,030
Well, she's got one nice leg, anyway.

46
00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:50,980
Well, we'll see.

47
00:03:51,590 --> 00:03:54,300
I'm checking her to the division darts
match tonight.

48
00:03:54,301 --> 00:03:57,859
I can get her to sit down for two
minutes. I might be in with a chance.

49
00:03:57,860 --> 00:04:00,520
Dave, there's a message from Dorothy.

50
00:04:05,820 --> 00:04:11,840
Dear Dave, can't make the dark tonight
as I'm lanting me barucas.

51
00:04:19,019 --> 00:04:20,069
See?

52
00:04:20,700 --> 00:04:22,140
Even Dorothy doesn't like me.

53
00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:24,660
What's the matter with you anyway?

54
00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:27,460
Why do you suddenly think nobody likes
you?

55
00:04:28,820 --> 00:04:31,920
Nobody likes me, that's all.

56
00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:39,020
When you say nobody likes you, I mean,
I, you know.

57
00:04:40,420 --> 00:04:41,470
Yeah?

58
00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:44,960
Go on, you, you what?

59
00:04:45,860 --> 00:04:46,910
Nothing.

60
00:04:50,900 --> 00:04:51,950
What it is,

61
00:04:52,750 --> 00:04:55,460
They don't like the idea that I'm vague
and glamorous.

62
00:04:56,990 --> 00:05:00,310
Always well turned out.

63
00:05:00,311 --> 00:05:04,689
And they don't like the idea that I'm
not a beer -swilling moron like the rest

64
00:05:04,690 --> 00:05:05,740
of them.

65
00:05:05,910 --> 00:05:07,590
I'm not a beer -swilling moron.

66
00:05:09,570 --> 00:05:11,430
That's why they don't like you either.

67
00:05:14,610 --> 00:05:15,660
You like me?

68
00:05:19,430 --> 00:05:20,950
That's not what they call you.

69
00:05:21,290 --> 00:05:22,490
You're on your back on me.

70
00:05:25,820 --> 00:05:26,870
What? Twiglet.

71
00:05:30,460 --> 00:05:31,510
Twiglet?

72
00:05:32,720 --> 00:05:34,280
Because you look like a twiglet.

73
00:05:35,980 --> 00:05:37,100
You see?

74
00:05:38,220 --> 00:05:39,270
They hate us.

75
00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:41,290
They don't like us.

76
00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:42,650
Yes, they do.

77
00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:44,400
The super likes us.

78
00:05:45,060 --> 00:05:47,240
Yes, he does. The super hates us.

79
00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:51,530
What have we ever done to make the super
hate us?

80
00:06:38,540 --> 00:06:39,800
Told you they hated us.

81
00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:42,060
Watch it, twiglet.

82
00:07:02,020 --> 00:07:05,760
DC Louis, DC Briggs.

83
00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:07,580
Meet Brother Ryan.

84
00:07:09,950 --> 00:07:11,190
Blimey! What's he done?

85
00:07:11,530 --> 00:07:12,730
Done? He's done nothing.

86
00:07:12,950 --> 00:07:14,000
He was a witness.

87
00:07:14,670 --> 00:07:17,510
The only witness we have to the murder
of this fellow.

88
00:07:17,511 --> 00:07:21,489
Harry the Horse, he was a mule, did all
the donkey work for an international

89
00:07:21,490 --> 00:07:22,540
drugs cartel.

90
00:07:22,650 --> 00:07:25,390
Got greedy and paid the price.

91
00:07:25,391 --> 00:07:29,209
Now, the lads at Scotland Yard say his
murder bore all the hallmarks of a

92
00:07:29,210 --> 00:07:30,390
classic mafia hit.

93
00:07:31,190 --> 00:07:33,960
That's why we've got to guard this
fellow night and day.

94
00:07:34,290 --> 00:07:35,850
His life is in mortal danger.

95
00:07:50,551 --> 00:07:57,699
If this thing is handled properly, we
can put some of the biggest names in the

96
00:07:57,700 --> 00:07:59,360
mob behind bars for years.

97
00:08:00,220 --> 00:08:01,480
I hardly need to tell you.

98
00:08:01,740 --> 00:08:03,660
They'll stop at nothing to bump him off.

99
00:08:05,060 --> 00:08:11,159
Could be the bullet from a sniper, the
bomb in the car, or even a lethal dose

100
00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:12,210
poison in his tea.

101
00:08:14,540 --> 00:08:17,610
We think the safest place for him is his
monastery in Cumbria.

102
00:08:17,860 --> 00:08:21,540
So I want you two to go with him,
undercover, and keep an eye on him.

103
00:08:21,900 --> 00:08:22,950
OK?

104
00:08:25,260 --> 00:08:27,250
No, I'm not going to hide it from you
two.

105
00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:29,660
This is a highly dangerous assignment.

106
00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:35,559
If they get to him, they could probably
kill you two as well.

107
00:08:36,120 --> 00:08:38,620
So if you want to back out, say the word
now.

108
00:08:41,679 --> 00:08:42,729
Good.

109
00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:45,440
Oh, there is just one other thing.

110
00:08:46,060 --> 00:08:47,800
Brother Ryan is from a silent order.

111
00:08:48,560 --> 00:08:51,510
He hasn't spoken a word to another human
being for 30 years.

112
00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:52,740
And while you're there...

113
00:08:53,070 --> 00:08:55,300
You'll be expected to follow the same
rules.

114
00:08:55,510 --> 00:08:56,830
Think you can manage that?

115
00:09:09,670 --> 00:09:10,720
Why us?

116
00:09:17,410 --> 00:09:20,250
Why does it always have to be us? I told
you about it.

117
00:09:20,450 --> 00:09:21,500
Nobody likes us.

118
00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:25,800
Ah, nice assortment, lads.

119
00:09:26,140 --> 00:09:28,160
Two weeks in a monastery in Cumbria.

120
00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:30,220
Have a good time, won't you?

121
00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:32,210
Twiglet.

122
00:09:34,880 --> 00:09:36,560
Would you like a pot of tea, Terry?

123
00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:12,130
What flavor?

124
00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:17,750
Plain.

125
00:10:25,220 --> 00:10:26,460
Right, which way now?

126
00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:30,420
Hang on, I'll ask Mr. Navigator.

127
00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:33,930
First left.

128
00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:37,450
Second right.

129
00:10:40,810 --> 00:10:46,029
straight over the roundabout and first
left

130
00:10:46,030 --> 00:10:50,110
at the Prince of Wales pub.

131
00:10:52,190 --> 00:10:53,240
Right,

132
00:10:54,710 --> 00:10:56,570
we'll get changed in the pub then, bud.

133
00:11:17,740 --> 00:11:18,790
She's it.

134
00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:24,210
Come on.

135
00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:26,260
You look like Lulu.

136
00:11:39,220 --> 00:11:40,840
No, no, stay where you are, Frank.

137
00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:44,650
I've just popped in to find out how our
precious witness is getting on.

138
00:11:44,820 --> 00:11:47,290
Important case, this, you know. Not to
worry, sir.

139
00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:48,640
He's well out of harm's way.

140
00:11:48,641 --> 00:11:50,599
We've got Briggs and Louis looking after
him.

141
00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:51,900
Good. Good.

142
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:55,320
One of our usual safe houses, is it? No,
sir.

143
00:11:55,321 --> 00:11:58,439
They've taken extra special precautions
in this case.

144
00:11:58,440 --> 00:11:59,490
Really?

145
00:11:59,640 --> 00:12:01,620
So where have you got him stashed, then?

146
00:12:01,640 --> 00:12:02,690
Your garden shed?

147
00:12:04,040 --> 00:12:05,480
No, we've sent him home.

148
00:12:05,920 --> 00:12:07,000
Back to his monastery.

149
00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:08,250
Oh.

150
00:12:08,300 --> 00:12:09,980
And where's that, then, exactly?

151
00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:11,800
A little place called Brecon Moor.

152
00:12:12,180 --> 00:12:13,420
Just outside Carlisle.

153
00:12:13,640 --> 00:12:15,500
And it's just Briggs and Louis, is it?

154
00:12:16,620 --> 00:12:17,670
That's a point.

155
00:12:18,220 --> 00:12:20,810
Think we ought to send reinforcements,
sir? No, no.

156
00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:24,380
No, Briggs and Louis will be just fine.

157
00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:27,160
Thanks anyway, Frank.

158
00:12:49,230 --> 00:12:51,090
And then they bring the mattresses in.

159
00:12:52,790 --> 00:12:55,890
They don't have mattresses in a
monastery.

160
00:12:56,430 --> 00:12:58,810
It's not the bloody post house, you
know.

161
00:12:59,230 --> 00:13:02,240
That's the whole idea. People come to
monasteries to suffer.

162
00:13:03,110 --> 00:13:06,710
Through hardship shall cometh
understanding, said Paul.

163
00:13:07,330 --> 00:13:09,990
Through denial shall cometh forth
wisdom.

164
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:11,340
Love it is.

165
00:13:11,450 --> 00:13:14,990
Through sitting on a cold stone bench
shall come forth pride.

166
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:18,180
My mum.

167
00:13:18,281 --> 00:13:23,289
You see, that's the difference between
you and me.

168
00:13:23,290 --> 00:13:26,650
For me, this is an opportunity to get in
touch with my inner self.

169
00:13:27,970 --> 00:13:32,930
And Doc, just for one minute, will you
leave Ninja Turtle Heroes alone?

170
00:13:33,790 --> 00:13:35,370
This is God's house we're in.

171
00:13:35,371 --> 00:13:40,469
Yeah, well, if it's God's house, why
don't we stick up some shelves and bung

172
00:13:40,470 --> 00:13:41,610
some central heating?

173
00:13:42,710 --> 00:13:44,270
Anyway, where's old Notomath?

174
00:13:45,090 --> 00:13:46,140
He's next door.

175
00:13:49,301 --> 00:13:52,219
Two knocks means he's alright.

176
00:13:52,220 --> 00:13:53,720
Three knocks, he's in trouble.

177
00:13:54,060 --> 00:13:55,700
Poor knock is playing squash.

178
00:13:58,740 --> 00:13:59,790
Come along, Bob.

179
00:14:03,700 --> 00:14:04,750
What?

180
00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:06,650
Breakfast?

181
00:14:27,660 --> 00:14:28,740
You've got a lot to say.

182
00:15:32,070 --> 00:15:33,120
Shameless.

183
00:15:34,510 --> 00:15:35,560
Titty!

184
00:16:04,970 --> 00:16:06,020
like cheeky.

185
00:16:06,050 --> 00:16:07,100
I don't.

186
00:16:07,310 --> 00:16:09,130
But I don't have a sign for mince.

187
00:18:20,871 --> 00:18:24,409
It's a bit difficult, actually, sir.

188
00:18:24,410 --> 00:18:26,700
Oh, Margaret hasn't left you again, has
she?

189
00:18:26,770 --> 00:18:27,820
Well,

190
00:18:29,270 --> 00:18:31,990
come on, Frank, you can talk to me.

191
00:18:31,991 --> 00:18:35,429
Well, I don't like to go behind
anybody's back, sir, but it's about

192
00:18:35,430 --> 00:18:36,570
Superintendent Lomax.

193
00:18:36,650 --> 00:18:37,700
What about him?

194
00:18:38,330 --> 00:18:41,520
I think he may be involved in that
murder at the railway station.

195
00:18:42,090 --> 00:18:44,620
Involved? Oh, it's only a hunch at the
moment, sir.

196
00:18:44,621 --> 00:18:47,449
But it's just that... Well, I really do
think... You told it right there, Frank.

197
00:18:47,450 --> 00:18:51,670
Ken Lomax has given 25 years of fine and
dedicated service to this division.

198
00:18:52,170 --> 00:18:53,220
Got that?

199
00:18:53,501 --> 00:18:55,589
Yes, sir.

200
00:18:55,590 --> 00:18:59,809
So, if you really do want to climb the
greasy pole to the position of Chief

201
00:18:59,810 --> 00:19:03,869
Superintendent, there are more
honourable ways of going about it than

202
00:19:03,870 --> 00:19:06,280
unfounded rumours about your fellow
officers.

203
00:19:06,690 --> 00:19:08,390
Understood? Yes, sir.

204
00:19:11,330 --> 00:19:12,690
God, this is boring.

205
00:19:13,390 --> 00:19:15,010
Is this all they do all day?

206
00:19:15,770 --> 00:19:17,950
Try and dig the garden? Boring!

207
00:19:20,290 --> 00:19:21,650
This isn't boring.

208
00:19:21,930 --> 00:19:24,330
How can this possibly be boring?

209
00:19:25,750 --> 00:19:27,190
Communing with Mother Earth.

210
00:19:28,150 --> 00:19:32,630
Planting a seed deep inside her second
warmth and watching it.

211
00:19:32,850 --> 00:19:35,590
It takes it to a bosom and lets it in.

212
00:19:36,070 --> 00:19:37,210
Oh, no, Bob.

213
00:19:37,590 --> 00:19:38,850
This isn't boring.

214
00:19:40,870 --> 00:19:44,990
A worm just touched me hand.

215
00:19:46,830 --> 00:19:48,030
It's rearing up happily.

216
00:19:51,540 --> 00:19:55,820
That may be a worm to you, but it's
still one of God's creatures.

217
00:19:55,821 --> 00:20:00,259
Yeah. Well, it's two of God's creatures
now. Just take a look at it shutting

218
00:20:00,260 --> 00:20:01,310
off.

219
00:20:04,500 --> 00:20:05,680
He's alive, all right.

220
00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:08,040
Out in the open air.

221
00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:13,779
Ah, Spetland's sitting in a smoke
-filled pub full of muggers and crack

222
00:20:13,780 --> 00:20:16,239
and blokes pretending they used to be
members of the SAS.

223
00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:17,540
My back's killing me.

224
00:20:17,541 --> 00:20:20,809
What's the matter, Bob? Not used to all
this hard work?

225
00:20:20,810 --> 00:20:23,870
No, I'm not used to sleeping on Fred
Flintstone's Zed bed.

226
00:20:24,430 --> 00:20:25,870
Shut up, that's your problem.

227
00:20:26,010 --> 00:20:27,060
Look at this lot.

228
00:20:27,650 --> 00:20:29,690
You don't hear them complaining, do you?

229
00:20:31,110 --> 00:20:32,910
I bloody would if they're allowed to.

230
00:20:35,650 --> 00:20:38,000
You know what your problem is, don't
you, Bob?

231
00:20:38,510 --> 00:20:41,710
You've got no... What's the word?

232
00:20:42,250 --> 00:20:45,190
What? You've got no... No what?

233
00:20:45,570 --> 00:20:47,270
No... What? No...

234
00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:48,840
What? No soul.

235
00:20:49,180 --> 00:20:51,890
You've got no soul, Bob. Well, who do
you think you are?

236
00:20:52,140 --> 00:20:53,190
James Brown.

237
00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:58,340
He is a man without vices.

238
00:20:59,380 --> 00:21:02,600
For 30 years, he has been tilling that
same bit of soil.

239
00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:06,540
He reaps and he sows, he rakes and he
mows.

240
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:08,980
He never goes out.

241
00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:10,760
Doesn't go to the pub.

242
00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:14,200
He knows not of the pleasures of the
flesh.

243
00:21:16,110 --> 00:21:20,610
He doesn't go to the shops, doesn't
watch the telly, never reads the

244
00:21:20,830 --> 00:21:24,190
doesn't buy mucky magazines, doesn't go
to the match.

245
00:21:26,690 --> 00:21:29,650
And for 30 years, he hasn't spoken a
single word.

246
00:21:34,670 --> 00:21:36,470
Probably hasn't got anything to say.

247
00:21:38,690 --> 00:21:40,190
Exactly. Shall we go to the pub?

248
00:21:56,970 --> 00:21:58,020
What's this play?

249
00:22:03,090 --> 00:22:04,510
Breckenmore brandy.

250
00:22:05,030 --> 00:22:09,370
Brewed by the monks of Breckenmore
Monastery for 500 years.

251
00:22:10,150 --> 00:22:13,250
From a blend of traditional herbs and
spices.

252
00:22:14,910 --> 00:22:17,090
What do you do? Drink it or rub it in?

253
00:22:26,090 --> 00:22:29,170
That has a nose faintly reminiscent of a
fine amontillado.

254
00:22:31,190 --> 00:22:32,730
Smells like deep eat.

255
00:22:33,930 --> 00:22:34,980
Cheers.

256
00:23:33,930 --> 00:23:34,980
Cheap ladybugs.

257
00:23:35,030 --> 00:23:36,750
And he was out hunting elk.

258
00:23:37,810 --> 00:23:38,860
That's a buffalo.

259
00:23:40,090 --> 00:23:41,140
Anyway.

260
00:23:56,090 --> 00:23:57,230
Hey, hey.

261
00:23:58,250 --> 00:24:02,070
This, this is lovely, lovely.

262
00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:04,090
What's the matter?

263
00:24:09,300 --> 00:24:10,420
It's tea, brother.

264
00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:17,199
What it is, what it is, what it is, is
nobody

265
00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:19,300
understands the real me.

266
00:24:20,380 --> 00:24:23,020
Nobody knows the real David Briggs.

267
00:24:24,460 --> 00:24:31,420
The thing is, I might seem to you to be
uncompromising, uncaring, tough.

268
00:24:32,140 --> 00:24:34,240
An immense theft.

269
00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:39,320
But then, underneath this hard veneer,

270
00:24:39,500 --> 00:24:43,200
I'm really very vulnerable.

271
00:24:44,980 --> 00:24:48,800
And it hurts when people don't like it.

272
00:24:50,620 --> 00:24:51,670
OK.

273
00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:57,080
Dave, I like you, Joe.

274
00:27:16,970 --> 00:27:18,930
Chief Superintendent Lomax.

275
00:27:19,290 --> 00:27:21,310
Has he been a naughty boy?

276
00:27:21,690 --> 00:27:25,120
He's been taking drives and handouts
since his first day on the beat.

277
00:27:25,650 --> 00:27:28,050
You've been a very naughty boy.

278
00:27:28,510 --> 00:27:30,670
Nothing I hate more than a bent copper.

279
00:27:33,530 --> 00:27:34,580
Help?

280
00:27:36,810 --> 00:27:37,930
Mischief lazy -bones.

281
00:27:38,810 --> 00:27:42,910
If that's a bison, God knows what
they've done with the totem pole.

282
00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:47,510
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0